Sniff, Sniff, Achoo!
by Admiral T. DeVanto
Summary: "Sir, I do not know how else to tell you this, but I do believe that I am dying." Erwin sighed in response to his friend's ridiculous statement. "Mike, catching a cold does not mean you are dying."


Erwin looked up with a frown as his office door was slammed open. He raised an eyebrow when Mike stumbled in, a stack of papers clutched in his hand.

"Here you are sir," Mike said, sniffling as he dropped the papers on Erwin's desk. "Just as requested."

Erwin continued to watch Mike, noticing how red his companion's nose was, and the handkerchief he was clutching tightly in his other hand. "Ah, thank you," he said, shuffling through the papers he was handed. He glanced once more up at Mike at the sounds of his sniffling. "Is everything alright?"

Mike stood at attention. "Nothing to worry about sir."

Erwin just stared at him. "It does not sound like nothing."

Mike grimaced, a look of pure misery suddenly crossing his face. He ran a hand through his hair as he sniffed once more. "Sir, I do not know how else to tell you this," he confessed. "But I do believe that I am dying."

"Mike," Erwin started as his eyes scanned the papers in his hands. His mouth twitched in an effort to conceal a grin as he finally realized what was wrong with the other man. "Catching a cold does not mean you are dying." He inwardly winced at the sound of Mike's sniffling. He held out a handkerchief out to him. "Why don't you blow your nose?"

Mike frowned in annoyance. "Hanji insisted that blowing my nose would do more harm than good and that I would just make my nose sore." Mike sniffed again, bringing the handkerchief up to his nose to stop the sniffling. "But I can't smell anything!"

"Yes, that is what happens when you get a runny nose," Erwin said blankly as he continued reading the documents. He understood that not being able to smell anything was like suddenly becoming blind for Mke, but he really did not know how else to help him out. "Maybe take the day off to rest," he suggested. "No need to overwork yourself. We will be setting out for the next expedition in a week, and I want you there with us in perfect health." He looked up once more. "I do not think I need to tell you to settle down with hot tea and soup."

"And wet socks," Mike muttered.

Erwin blinked in confusion. "Wet socks?" he repeated.

He shrugged. "Wet socks is supposed to relieve congestion...and stuff." He sniffled. "So far, I have yet to see the results."

Erwin frowned. "And how long has this cold been affecting you?"

"Three days," came the blank response.

Erwin leaned back in his chair. "Well then, you are dismissed to go deal with your...wet socks."

Mike's parting glare was enough to make Erwin grin in amusement as he went back to the uninteresting reports of the day.

During those past three days of misery, Mike had searched in vain for other means of clearing up his head and stuffy nose. He even went so far as to use a nasal spray, which had been pure torture on earth. Petra Ral was nice enough to brew him some honey tea with a bit of whisky in it. The whisky, she had explained, was to help with the sore throat.

Either way, he found that he enjoyed the tea.

Hanji was all too eager to inform him about eating chocolate to help with any coughs he would be having. When she had offered him the sweet treat, he had tried to conceal his eagerness as he popped the candy in his mouth. Eating chocolate when you were sick? Maybe this wouldn't be too bad.

He ended up spitting it back out as the bitter, chalky, revolting taste filled his mouth.

"What?" she had demanded, hands on her hips as he frantically tried to get rid of the taste by swishing water in his mouth. "It's dark chocolate! Any hint of sugar would weaken your immune system. So I went out to find the bitterest chocolate I could find for you."

How thoughtful of her to give him such a disgusting treat that dared to call itself chocolate. What a disgrace to the sweet world of candy.

"I hope you die from your ungratefulness," Hanji continued, folding her arms and huffing.

He had spat out the remaining, revolting taste in his mouth. "Thanks to you, I just might die of food poisoning."

Whoever came up with sugar free chocolate outta have been shot, in his opinion. Now that he thought of it, what exactly did sugar-free products have that made them so sweet? He figured he'd rather not know.

He grabbed a mug of Petra's honey and whisky tea, deciding to drink up on that before resting. Remembering another remedy that could help with his cold, he grabbed a knife and onion before sitting down at the table, alone for the moment.

"Oi," Levi said as he sat across from Mike at the table. He nodded to the plate of onions in front of Mike. "What's that?"

Mike took a bite out of the raw onion. "My medicine," he replied.

Levi raised an eyebrow. "Medicine for what? And why are you eating onions raw?"

"For my cold," Mike answered. "The onions are to help clear my nose up, and aid with my sore throat."

Levi recoiled as Mike blew his nose in the handkerchief. "You're sick?" Levi demanded, eyes wide in disgust.

Mike coughed, glaring at him. "You couldn't tell?" he demanded.

"I thought you were just in an unusual sniffy mood yesterday," Levi answered. He shrugged. "We did get a handful of new recruits that day, and you do have a weird habit of sniffing people when you first meet them."

Mike coughed, eyes suddenly watering up from the onion. He felt his throat and nose tickle, and he took in a deep breath before sneezing.

Levi scrambled out of his chair to avoid the possible germs that were now flying around. He glared at Mike who was wiping at his red, dripping nose with the used rag.

"Alright Sniffy," Levi said, grabbing Mike's arm and leading him out of the room. "You're coming with me."

"Not another remedy," Mike grumbled. "I've had enough of those. The onions were bad enough."

Levi wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, I can tell. Who put you up to that? Four-Eyes?"

Mike's only response was a wet cough.

Levi resisted the urge to gag as he dragged Mike outside to the training grounds. "Levi, I don't want to walk," Mike stated. "My head hurts."

"We are walking to help you break your cold," Levi said. "Also, I know a solution to help with your stuffy nose."

Mike groaned, bringing up his ruined handkerchief to stop his dripping, inflamed nose as they walked.

"Levi!" a voice exclaimed suddenly as they approached a small pond. Mike, in his daze, had failed to notice Hanji and Nanaba conversing near the pond. Hanji pranced over with a grin as she watched the two. "What are you both doing out here?"

"Mike, I thought you were sick," Nanaba stated, eyeing the sniffling man.

"He is," Levi stated calmly, kicking his boots off and shrugging his coat off.

Nanaba frowned. "Should he not be resting?"

"We are preparing to leave for the expedition in four days," Hanji noted. She looked at Mike. "Did the onions work?"

Mike glared. "What do you think?" he demanded gruffly. He turned his back on them. "I'm going back to bed."

"You'll thank me when this is over," Levi said, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt as he approached Mike, his stare blank. Yet those narrowed eyes suggested a calculated plan was about to be put into action.

Mike turned back with a curious frown. "What-?" His eyes widened when Levi suddenly flipped him over his shoulder and into the pond with a 'splash'. Mike rose to the surface, sputtering as he did so, hearing the startled shouts of Hanji and Nanaba. But Levi jumped in after him, grabbing Mike and tipping him upside down and dragging him under the water.

Mike felt water fill his nose as he choked, and he could not help but snort as he tried to gather some air. He struggled, thrashing around as Levi held him under.

Finally, Levi yanked him up and out of the water. Pond water dripped down Mike's face as he snorted, mucus and water coming out as he gagged.

"Feel better?" Levi asked, still gripping Mike's shirt.

Mike glared, about to retort, but he was cut off with a violent, wet sneeze.

Levi shrugged. "Okay. Back under we go."

Before Mike could protest, Levi had tipped Mike back under water. More water flooded into his nose, cleaning it out for him as he snorted water out of his nose.

This time, Mike managed to break free from Levi's hold by somehow slapping him in the face, bursting to the surface with a gasp, glaring at him. "What was that for?" he demanded.

"Yeah Levi," Hanji exclaimed, mouth open as she stared at the captian. "Wha-?"

Levi shrugged as he wrung out his wet shirt. "Being tipped underwater upside down causes your sinuses to clear out." He grimaced as he stepped out of the pond. "You couldn't see the disgusting, green junk coming out of his nose when I was holding him under." He scowled. "Disgusting." he glared at Mike. "And the thanks I get is a slap in the face."

Mike was still glaring at him. "I thought you were trying to drown me."

"Don't be so dramatic," Levi answered as he picked up his boots and coat. "There are much more elaborate ways I could kill you then simply tossing you in a four foot pond." He reached into his coat pocket, withdrawing a clean handkerchief from his pocket. "Here, you'll need this."

Mike frowned as he examined the handkerchief. "What does the P.R stand for?"

"They're Petra's initials," Levi answered casually. "She gave it to me."

Mike raised an eyebrow. "You're letting me use Petra's handkerchief?"

Levi growled, snatching the handkerchief back. "If you're going to complain, then fine," he grumbled. "Don't use it."

Nanaba chuckled. "You can use mine," she said, handing her handkerchief to Mike as he stumbled out of the pond. "No initials are on it though, but it's clean," she promised.

"When you get back, eat those onions!" Hanji said as he got ready to leave.

"When I get back, I'm going to bed," he grumbled, avoiding Levi should the captain decide to throw him back in the pond for another sinuses cleansing.

The instant his head hit the pillow on his bed, he was out. The steady headache he had been feeling all day did not even keep him up. The event with Levi in the pond had worn him out, along with the walk back to the base. He had felt extremely short tempered and was grateful that no one had stopped him on his way to his room.

By the time he awoke, he felt well rested, yet his nose was still stuffy. But it was not as runny as before. He sniffed the air and found to his dismay that he still could not smell anything.

Rolling over, his eyes widened slightly when he spotted the plate of raw onions on his nightstand. Despite his current condition, he smirked.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes tiredly He attempted to swallow past his scratchy throat, the painful attempt causing him to winch.

He looked up to see the door creak open slightly, and a tuft of blond hair poking through the door. Nanaba's eyes widened when she saw him awake, and she quickly looked down. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I did not want to wake you, should you be asleep. But I suppose I should have knocked."

He waved a tired hand. Normally, he would have been able to smell her, that familiar scent of fruits usually so easy to identify. Now, he could smell nothing.

He truly thought he was dying., despite what Commander Erwin said.

"You're fine," he said. "Thank you for being considerate."

She smiled, looking around. "I brought you some tea. May I come in?" At his nod, she entered the room, carrying a mug and a teapot. "Petra Ral said you liked the honey and whisky."

He grinned, accepting the cup from her. "I do." He nodded at the object she was carrying. "What is that?"

She held up the round object with a small smile. "You are supposed to hold it up to your nose, and it will release a warm steam when you inhale it. It's supposed to bring you a sense of relief and calm your brain down with the scent of lavender." She shrugged. "I thought it would help."

He looked at the object with interest as she set it down on the nightstand. "Thank you," he said gratefully.

She laughed when she noticed the plate of onions. "Hanji?" she asked in amusement.

"Hanji," he agreed with a small smile as he drank his tea.

"I would probably stick with the tea instead of onions," Nanaba said.

"And avoid the wet socks," he muttered with an eye roll.

She blinked in surprise. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing." He lifted his teacup. "Thank you for the tea."

She smiled as she took his empty mug back. "Get better, Mike. We need you on this expedition."

When the door closed behind her, he laid back down in his bed with a sigh. He sniffed, reaching for the handkerchief Nanaba had given him. He wondered briefly if he should give it back to her when he was done. But then again, Levi still had Petra's for some unknown reason.

He shook his head. He would worry about what to do with the handkerchief later. Right now, he had to combat this cold of his.

As long as he stayed locked up in his room and away from Hanji and Levi, he had no doubt that he would be fine.

A quick glance back at the plate of onions made him rethink his previous thoughts. It might not just be the cold that would kill him, but his companions instead.


End file.
